This is my cry, my one desire
Just to be where You are Lord
Now and forever it’s more than a song
My one desire is to be with You
Is to be with You Jesus
Before I forget, let this song be etched to my brain so I may remember this reflection.
During one of the evening worships at SHouT, as we were singing this song, I paused.
You see, I had to remind myself to not just sing for the sake of singing, and actually pray. Too often, after being spiritually high from an encounter or experience, reality sets in, old sins come back and weeks can go by without prayers. There would be days when His words would fail to resonate with me- no realizations or affirmations. God seems quiet and far, and I understand what St. Augustine meant with, “Our heart is restless until it rests on You.” I yearn and long for the blazing fire, when only a spark is present.
This time though, God revealed a few things to me. Maybe He seems silent because He is so close, and I’m too caught up with my daily life that praying has become a chore. The daily Bible readings turns to a skim-through, I rush the Our Father’s and stumble hastily on the Hail Mary’s.
Perhaps, like tea, it’s better to let it simmer. Reflect and ponder, as I was constantly reminded this year. Remind myself that this -whether worship song or one of the prayers- is a prayer. Otherwise, it turns to another task we can tick off on our to-do list, when praying is not supposed to be an obligation but a consistent act, done out of need and love for Him.
Loving Jesus is not like loving a person, wherein people and emotions can come and go. His love is constant and unconditional. Just because He hasn’t been loud or, to put in Tagalog terms, “nag-paparamdam“, doesn’t mean He isn’t there. God is with us when He is at the center of our hearts, He is with us in times of hurt, when we fall back to our sins and yes, even during the tranquility and daily bustle of life.
So, before I forget, remind me to not be defined by whatever it is that is hindering me from reaching out to You. To welcome God in my busy and mundane life. To seek God in His silence and stillness.